Sunday, 26 August 2012
BEING IN LOVE: THE WORD,THE LIFE ,THE EFFECT.THE BODY
Sunday, 19 August 2012
BEING IN LOVE: THE WORD,THE LIFE ,THE EFFECT. AN INTRODUCTION.
The word love, will compete amongst the most used words in the world but yet will remain one of the most abused words as it has on so many occasion and so places been misused , misrepresented, misinterpreted, misapplied and completely misunderstood. The word has been used to bless as well as curse. The word has helped many and equally been used to lead many astray. Many have been admitted because of the word and even many have committed suicide because
Monday, 13 August 2012
ATRRACTION: IMPORTANT,NECESSARY BUT NOT SUFFICIENT PART 2
" In part two, we will try to consider briefly why physical attraction some times fail and how we can help to ensure that we keep it oiled so it does not fail"
That is what we shall attempt to do in this part. Don't forget its a trilogy but at the moment, we are looking only at the first part which is attraction. On attraction, we have given a description in part one, this is the second part on attraction and the statement quoted above is what we shall consider. Let me make it abundantly clear that what ever is written on this blog is a product of my reflection, counseling sessions, interactions and time with people. They are not based on any external research and it merely adds what I write to what ever has been written on them already.
Attraction, we have said is important and necessary but insufficient. Allow me to clear that part. I do not by that statement mean that you can survive in a relationship without attraction. Attraction is key to the survival of any relationship or marriage and its very central role can never be down played to the background for any attempt to do such would amount to putting that marriage or relationship at the mercy of what will kill it. When attraction become missing in a marriage or relationship watch out. That relationship or marriage may never survive. Most times when people no longer feel them selves in a relationship, one of the fundamental things friends, counselors, family members should look at is the arena called attraction. This is because when this area fail, there is not much you can do except to talk and pray that it returns. Only this time, both of them will have to make a conscious effort to make happen some thing they once enjoyed without having to struggle.
A lady, during our chat once said, each time my husband is making love to me, the only way I enjoy it is that I always imagine
Saturday, 11 August 2012
ATRRACTION: IMPORTANT,NECESSARY BUT NOT SUFFICIENT (1)
There are three pillars on which every marriage stand. They include;2. True Love
3. Friendship.
Every thing we write on relationship is tied to this three. I must be attracted to you before I can fall in love with you. If I don't fall in love with you, I cannot make you my friend. Most men are in love with their partners or their wives but they have failed to make them their friend vice versa. It is in friendship that we open our all to our selves because at that point, there is nothing to hide. My friend is the one I can trust with my all and open my all to. The truth is that, most of the people we call friends are so called for lack of a better word. The fact that we are close does not make you my friend. we Remember, Abraham got attracted to his God, he fell in love with him and eventually that God made it bigger by making him His friend that is why Abraham was called the friend of God. Friendship is deeper and commits all. We shall look at this in the course of this series. What ever it is, some may say you need to pray also but if I love you, I will pray for you. Every thing you want to look at in relationship and marriage hangs on those three and we shall look at them differently beginning with attraction.
In many marriages you will find one or two or three of this factors. Most celebrity marriages hangs on only the first one that is why they never last. In a solid marriage the three must be present the most important being friendship because there can be no friendship without love. Love is not enough because I can claim to love you or be in love with you but yet you are not my friend. Because you are not my friend, I cannot open myself to you. So, if friendship is real because love is the basis I will remain genuinely attracted to you. Let us consider this three road journey by attempting to describe attraction.
We all can relate to the fact that what draws us to the opposite sex the first time is
Sunday, 5 August 2012
THE LADY:HER MAN AND HIS FINANCE.
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| you mean we are broke? |
One of the major factors I have seen and considered a major marriage breaker is the issue of money. Money not because the woman married a man who is broke or does not have money, but because the man, after the wedding survived only a few months or may be two years before he turned out broke. A tale that in most cases is never pleasing to the ear because many keep making the same mistake many made. The most stupid man is the one who made the same mistake he saw others make. That's because he never got the message. The best way to learn is to see what happened to others. The mistake they made, the steps they took and how they survived it. You know why we must do this? Because if that same thing or some thing similar happens to you it may kill you. This is because your state of health, mental disposition and other things that make up this being-you may not have enough shock absorber to contain it at that time. This is why you see a healthy man yesterday or some one you thought was healthy but the next ten minutes you hear he is dead. A dead man has no lesson to learn in the grave.
Friday, 3 August 2012
THE AFRICAN MAN AND HIS PERCEPTIONS: DO MEN STILL THINK THIS WAY?
The average african man has a lot of perception about what the 'concept woman' and 'being a woman' stand for. Quite a number have battled with so many perceptions. This perceptions are many but I will attempt to explore some here. However, as you look at them or into them on your own, you may find much more. The average African man believes the woman as his wife is no guarantee for equality in the home. You will agree with me that most times when the african man talks, he refers to the house they both live as 'my house' and not our house. Of course he is the man. You and I may agree that we live in this age where the woman also believe that in the home, the rights and privileges should be fifty/ fifty. Why not? Is she not a major contributor to the home? In today's world, the woman contributes as much as the man in most home and in some, she is the bread winner a situation that is far from normal and goes against the way nature intends things to be. But for the economy and difficult life situation due to leadership waste and mismanagement issues like this have come to stay in some homes. However, there are african men who will never allow the woman contribute a dime in the home because they don't want any woman claiming equal right with them. For this men, there can only be one captain and that is them. According to this men, equality should not even exist in the imagination of the woman let alone in the home. Whether this is true or not, I will not make an issue here as that will stand for another day. However, I will leave you to ponder on that. Is the man and the woman equal in a marriage? do men still think this way?Another perception the average African man has about the woman is that the woman is an object and a tool. Did I just say that? Yes I just did. A man once told the wife right in my presence during a disagreement 'I bought you with my money, so you must listen to me' I was shock to my bone marrow. The only question I could ask my self is, joseph what are you doing here? I was actually there because some one recommended me to them since the were having some issues which seemed irreconcilable according to them. For this kind of man, he bought the woman when he paid the bride prize. For this kind of man, the woman is a tool to be used. She is seen as an object. I am referring to a very educated woman withMonday, 30 July 2012
THE JOURNEY OF LIFE: A CASE FOR KNOWLEDGE AND FRIENDSHIP.
Some one has argued that where you get to in life is dependent on two factors. These factors include;1. The kind of books you read
2. The kind of friends you keep.
The kind of books you read because they will stir up your knowledge, Keep you informed, Provide for you inspiration to guide you. A man without information can only be said to be a deformed man. Even God said my people perish for lack of knowledge. Knowledge is power. Information is true education and who ever fails to acknowledge the place of education should himself try ignorance. Information is power and a man with power can do and undo. Knowledge is key to resolving lives issues. If you lack knowledge, you are truly deformed. Some one has argued that if you want to hide something from the Nigeria Man, put it inside a book. Most people don't read. Little wonder it is said that the man who does not read has no advantage over the man who can not read. This is because, what is the use of the ability to read if you don't read books? Of what use is that ability to you? The difference between you and that man who has gone ahead is knowledge. He knows what you don't know and so he can see what you don't see. Of course, many are the eyes that look but few, in fact very few are the ones that see. The only man who can see is the one with the knowledge of what is seen. How many opportunity pass you by on a daily basis because you don't see them? I challenge you to read books and keep reading. If you don't want to buy books, go to the internet and read free books. No knowledge is lost. Knowledge is key. The truth is my generation claim to be too busy to read when the truth is that we are too lazy to read. Many who claim to be busy are not too busy to play games even on their phones for hours. The question to ask is, which book are you currently reading and why?
The second point follows the first. The books will give you the knowledge, but your friends can provide the platform for you to practice that knowledge or simply kill that knowledge for you. The kind of friends you keep is important. There are some friendship you have in your life today that you don't
Sunday, 29 July 2012
FAKE LIFE: THE QUEST FOR UN MERITED ATTENTION
Attitude which lead to people living fake lives begin even from the home. Parents lie a lot just to impress their children. For example, a man was in a gathering when some one brought live chiken for sale. People began to show interest and in order not to look like the odd one out, the man know that if he gets chicken this week end, it will leave a lot of hole in his pocket and create trouble for him, but just because his friend bought chicken for his family, he also decided to buy also. However, his wife and kids know that for him to have bought that chicken, he did it just to impress. The children grow up with the same mentality which is that of living fake lives just to impress.
Today many people use blackberry. I don't have an issue with that. What I do have an issue with is when I see one person using three blackberry devices like they are using nokia 3310. Knowing that the blackberry is not just a phone but a device, and that the blackberry is a push email facility by virtue of its main function and not just for making phone calls, I wonder what people do with three blackberry devices if not to impress. People drink and smoke because others are doing it not because they want to. People dress in certain ways because others are doing it. They talk in certain ways also because others are. what will we not see?
A man wants to get married, He has no money for an elaborate wedding but he would rather Wednesday, 25 July 2012
TAKING THE BEDROOM TO THE BEER PARLOR OR SALOON: A MARRIAGE KILLER
Love is sweet especially when it is in its infancy. Every marriage no matter the years of courtship is like a new born baby and must be treated as such. Remember when love is sweet? When you were courting? Or in the early stage? You head stuffs like Its amazing how you knock me off my feet. Any time you come around me I can't wait. No body ever made me feel this way. I want to know what makes you cry. Those are some lyrics from joe's song. How many men and women can relate to this feeling while courting or for those who did not court, before they got married. Those days showed that Love is real right? But some how the story is different today in many marriages. Sad right?
People get married and things change over night. Some times, the amazing thing is how very fast this changes take place. Most times, in marriages love never grow instead it stays stagnant until it begins to die. Why? People only marry for feelings and not for love or to take it a step further to friendship. Our relationship will begin with attraction, but it must grow into love and we must build that love to the level of friendship. At the level of friendship, nothing can break it with prayer and God on your side. Why will God not be on your side if you can pray. That is why Abraham was called the friend of God. Friendship is important. Your friend is the one you want to share any thing with. I mean, any thing and every thing. Most relationship and marriages never get here and that accounts for why the divorce rate increases and irreconcilable differences is all we here. Issues will come up in every marriage. couples must learn to communicate but rather than communicate, they create a distance of non communication. In a bit to find some form of external consolation or pity, they take it to the beer parlor and saloon. Did I just say that? Yes I just did.
It is a case of once upon a time that women gossip. Today, may be men gossip more. Only this time, they call it men talk and not gossip since gossip for such men can only proceed from the lips of a woman. Either way, I sincerely don't have much of an issue with the men talk or women 'gossip' as people are free to discuss what ever they want, when ever they want, where ever they want and however they want. Talk is cheap and people are free to talk because there is no bill attached to it. I do have a problem with some kind of talk though. I refer to those talk that turns what ought to be a bed room discussion into a beer parlor talk or saloon chat.
Why do people feel comfortable discussing their wife or husband at a beer parlor or saloon? And when you listen to them, they talk uncontrollably. For the men, the beer has become the Holy Spirit in them. For the women, the drier or is it the human hair they buy this days. At such places, you never hear talks on business and how to make good money or grow their life. Rather ,you hear talks that drag their partners down in the presence of people. Some times men will talk to the point were they tell friends, in an open beer parlor that they can't make love to their wife because 'that place' is now too wide. They claim not to feel it any more .They say stuffs like, she can't cook well, she does not look attractive any more, her tommy is now too big, she now ties rapper all the time, she's no longer a chick but mama, even her pant smells etc. Don't those things sound disgusting to you? Things that ought not to be a public discussion? Some people have lost all sense of dignity and shame.
To add to the above, the women are not left out. They openly speak also like a pastor vibrating from the pulpit. You hear stuffs like; He no longer come home early. His clothes are always smelling. He snores like a goat. He is not good in bed any more. He is always broke. During love making, I never come. He does not even last during love making. His duty is to shout all the time etc this talk go on and on and people are listening and laughing. Why will that marriage last?
Men and woman bring to the beer parlor and saloon issues they should trash in their bed room and not even in their seating room let alone a beer parlor, club or saloon. They talk about this things with reckless abandon thinking that those they are talking to are sympathizers or that they look at them with respect for being the Man or the woman. I wish you knew because They are not and can never be. In most cases, they laugh at you. Yes, they laugh at you. They mock you on the inside and mock you also in your absence. They call you foolish and senseless for acting and talking like a child. The difference is, you never get to hear it. Those you tell such story today will mock you with them tomorrow.
Hey, keep issues about your home in your home and Not the beer parlor or saloon. Remember this is the woman or man you once professed love to. I hear some of you even say things like; God punish love! abi na love I go chop? To people who behave in this manner I say this, most times when you tell a child to grow up, you are the one who truly need to grow up. Communication must be kept open in the home. Don't discuss your spouse outside. Remember that when the day of pain come, the only one who is always truly there is that one whom you make a topic of derogatory discussion at the beer parlor or that saloon. Wise people learn from the mistake of others and not until it happens to them. The wise also know when a word is enough. I will let you take it from here.
Sunday, 22 July 2012
IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES: A CELEBRITY 'GOSPEL'
Again, the idea places on you some level of social or societal responsibility which makes you a role model in society. Little wonder you become a headliner once any of the gossip magazines discover any thing about you especially When it appears as some thing negative.
Being a celebrity also means you are seen as one who sets standard. Little wonder you begin to find individuals who want to walk like you, talk like you, make your kind of hair, dress like you, look like you, or even eat like you.
In a way therefore, while the celebrity is out there doing his own thing, enjoying his or her own life, society always fail to separate their professional life from their personal life. This is why people get disappointed when they do the unexpected placing on them the tag 'invincible' when they are not.
I love celebrities and I do not have any issue or issues with them maintaining their personal lives. Where I do have issues is when a celebrity wants to make what should be a personal issue a public one. Or come to the public and glorify failure with pride.
One wonders what goes through the mind of many of them before they get married. Is the expression of physical passion all they see. Is that why they marry? Today, they marry and divorce like a reverend fathers who changes wears after celebrating the mass. They walk in and out of marriages as if they created that institution and they can recreate it however they like and when ever they like. Many live very stupid life styles. Life styles they ought to be very ashamed of.
The rate of divorce in the celebrity circle is indeed very alarming and this is robbing off on society as many have followed in their footsteps. People now divorce over the flimsiest of excuses. This excuses include;* We no longer like each other
* we disagree on so many things
* he or she is selfish
* I am no longer attracted to her
* we can no longer cope
* she does not want babies and I do
* He is never at home
* he lies too much.
* he drinks alcohol too much
* I asked him to choose between me and his female friends
* we are like two captains flying these plane
* we discovered that we belong to two separate world.
* he is too proud
* we are no longer compatible.
The list is endless.
When a being takes a marriage vow, they say its for better for worse. For better for worse because marriage is not all about being together only when things are better. Its not only when you agree. The best of marriages are not those ones without issues. In truth, if you don't face issues in your marriage, it only means both of you are merely pretending. Every marriage will go through its own fire so that it can be purified. Gold does not become what it is today by being thrown into water. Every marriage will have its own deep water to pass through. Stop killing the issues you would have turned into a testimony on the altar of pride, greed, self and lose of focus only to call it irreconcilable differences. What is irreconcilable about it? If you have failed, please say I failed. Why will issues be irreconcilable when forgiveness is one of the hallmark of a successful marriage. Its not like you discovered after marriage that the guy is impotent!
The Americans should come and learn from Africans. The Africans who are importing this stupid divorce culture here should concentrate their energy on making our world better and not destroy it. When two elephants fight, only the grass suffer. The children are in most cases the victims of this shameful act. They will be with mother from monday to friday in new york, then visit their father saturday to sunday in new jersey. The same thing applies all over. The children become in many cases product of negativity because of failed marriages. When will humanity learn?
My challenge to my generation is simple, look at those celebrities who made their marriages work and not those who preach the 'gospel' of irreconcilable differences. Olu jacob is still married to joke sylva. The man does not even care if she still answers her fathers name in public. Many abound like that across the country. Learn from them. Look at the bright side of life. Pick the good things and not the negatives from our celebrities. I do not believe in irreconcilable differences as every divorce is at bottom the out come of pride, greed, selfishness and poor sense of judgment.
It pays not to begin a journey you cannot end. Love is patient, kind, forgiving, does not keep a record of wrongs, its not proud. If you know this, what will be irreconcilable about your differences. People should bury their head in shame rather than glorify evil. Divorce is evil. Its consequences are damaging. Marry for the right reasons and stop making your failure a model for society.
You can take it from here.
SEE BELOW FOR THE TWITTER ACCOUNT CHAT OF THE COUPLE WITH THE WORLDS LONGEST MARRIAGE..YOU CAN DO IT
World's Longest Married Couple Has the Secret to Lasting Love
Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher
Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher have had what may very well be the best reason to be on the books at Guinness World Records: The North Carolina couple went down in history for having the longest marriage. For 86 years, 9 months, and 16 days. That’s eighty and a six. Years. That’s a lot of laundry, dinners, dishes, and—goodness gracious—bills. A lot of learning how to kiss and make up and enjoy each other and be a partner. Granted, they got hitched back in 1924, when folks stayed together out of a sense of duty as much as they did for love. But what an inspiration, particularly because there are more folks treating divorce as flippantly as a high school breakup than there should be.
Mr. Fisher passed away in February at a remarkable 104 years old, leaving his 101-year-old wife for the first time in almost nine decades. But the precious pair with the priceless story shared some relationship advice for their admirers and marathon marriage wannabes to mill over. On Valentine’s Day a few years ago, they took to their Twitter page (yes, they have a Twitter page) to share their secret for building a long marriage.
More from The Stir: How to Keep Your Marriage Strong at Every Age
The secret is there is none, according to them. No a-ha discovery. You just have to be invested in it and make it work the way you need to make it work. Here’s a little of what they said:
What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H&Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure. Divorce was NEVER an option—or even a thought.
What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith—when you meet him, you’ll know.
What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider. The 1920s were hard, but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us. I married a good man!
At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
H&Z: Remember marriage is not a contest—never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.
Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
H&Z: The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs together.
More from The Stir: Gwyneth Paltrow's Love Advice Is Surprisingly Solid
But above all else, they said, you have to be willing to stick it out. Well, that’s obvious. I’m pretty sure Mr. Herbert plucked Ms. Zelmyra’s nerves somewhere along the line just as much as I’m certain that Ms. Zelmyra rubbed Mr. Herbert the wrong way in 86 years. That’s a mighty long time to know a person, much less to grow and cohabitate with them. But 5 kids, 10 grandkids, 9 great-grands, and one great-great grand later, they made it work and stick. That’s the program I’m trying to be on. So along with my grandparents, Wayman and Mildred Harris, my pastors, Revs. Harold and Kellie Hayes, and Cliff and Claire Huxtable, I’m adding the Fishers to my inspiration list.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how different couples operate their love, how they make it last, how they grow together, even through life’s changes and challenges. Last year, I interviewed Niecey Nash (who is cute as a button, by the way) before she strolled down the aisle, and she had one of the best pre-nuptial ideas I’ve ever heard. Instead of having the standard bachelor/bachelorette shindigs—and probably all of the drama that goes along with them—she and her fiancé decided to host a dinner party with couples who had been married 20, 30, 40 years.
I let her know, at the end of our conversation, that I would be stealing that idea when it comes time for me to be a bride. I’m willing to sit at the feet of any older person. They’re so full of hard-earned wisdom, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Which couples in your life give you relationship inspiration?
CULLED FROM the stir.cafe mom.com
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH
I have seen this happen severally, so forgive me as I write on it because it is not some thing entirely new. This is the issue- the guy and the Lady loves themselves ( at least so they claim) and they both have agreed to get married. The girl has a comfortable job as a manager in one of the top banks in the country. (Name withheld) She is also from a home where at the tapping of her finger, based on who the parents are, things will begin to flow for her. We say, she was born with not just a silver spoon but with a diamond spoon. On the other hand, the guy is from the lowest class in society. Not only did his parents struggle to put him through school, he had extra doses of suffering as far as life is concerned. Because he was brilliant and intelligent he made a 2/1 in school. He was posted to that bank where he met his wife to be for his nysc year. They dated and after his service year, he was not retained. The guy could not get a job by himself as all applications sent appear not to be yielding any thing. The girls father and mother did not support the relationship because of the boys background which obviously did not match with the class of the lady so they were not interested in helping the guy. However, they would not stop them should they decide to marry. The lady tells the guy, let us get married. For all you know, a job can come later. The most important thing is that we love each other. The boy wants a job first but since he had none at that time, he dint want to lose the lady who by the way was ready to keep them going until he got a job, the guy agreed. They got married and one year into the marriage no job yet.
In one word, the story of love began to change as the love which once stood as the bases of the relationship began to give way to some negative vices. The lady would keep men out side as man friends, hang out with them, come back late. They had no house keeper so the guy was the house keeper. Nagging started as the lady complained of the guy not being productive except to seat at home and watch tv. The statement 'can't you do some thing useful with your life became the daily anthem' Some times, the guy would beg the lady for money to get some where and she would say, what do you need it for, seat at home. Those who don't have money don't go visiting. The friends no longer visit him because the girl had embarrassed them several times just because they drank wine in the house which the guy did not buy with his money. Events like this kept on into the second year of the marriage. At this point, two much frustration had set in and the marriage was heading for the rocks. The lady made a statement to the guy when the guy reminded her, our marriage is two years and six months today, when are we going to start having babies. The response he got was shocking. The lady said, babies? Which real woman want to have a baby for a man who can not feed himself let alone take care of a baby? She added, no real woman respects a man just because he said, I love you. Love is not words, its action. Grow up jide. That statement broke the guy and shattered his emotion finally. For the very first time, he got a real wake up call. He was reminded, that for a home to stand, a man, must be the man. He was reminded (may be) that love is not enough.
Those who know their bible well will soon tell me that the lady is stupid. Again, they will tell me that love is enough but the truth is that the lady never really love the guy. I mean, how could she treat him that way and say that to him? It is wicked! It is cruel ! She is a devil! Would she have acted that way if the guy had money? So many questions but very few answers. May be I agree with you and may be I don't. While I do not want to make the lady the subject of my discussion here, even though she was crucial to him, my focus will be the man. Let me talk to the men here.
Truthfully, how many times do we see that happen? Guy, you messed up big time. In my opinion, if you had done just one month apprenticeship with a warri guy you would have been smart. How can you seat at home for two and half years? How could you have even sat home for six months? Don't you have a brain? You abuse God my guy. Any way that is by the way.
Let me remind the man that there is so much more to marriage than the mere profession of love. Marriage I have argued in different places is not a hundred meter dash but a life marathon. I have head and seen enough in peoples lives to tell you that the mere profession of 'I love you' does not win the race. Get that simple message fully registered inside you. Sleep and wake up with it daily. I love you does not put food on the table or pay the bills.
Another point to make is this, note that Adam was given the role of the Man not eve. God did not make a mistake. He made Adam the head and not the neck. Do not sell your 'role right' because of the mere profession of love, it does not flow and nature will frown at it. Be the Man and act the man that is what will honor God and Man. To fail here is to fail in all.
The third point I want to make is this, note that before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him employment. Not the other way round. He dint just give him a job, He employed him. He put him in charge of the garden. That is giving him financial freedom. Take charge was the word. To have a job is to have some thing doing which keeps you J-ust O-ver B-roke (job) but to be gain fully employed is to have taken your finance to a point where you can do as occasion demands. When I say do as accession demands, I mean that if your wife and children wake up and say, daddy, we need to go to the US for summer holiday and you look at your bank account, you can comfortably say to yourself, no shaking. It means like Adam, you have taken charge of your finance. Not when you look at your bank account and it is not telling you the truth. What are we saying? I am not saying you should wait until you gain employment before you marry. All I am saying is, even if you have a job, be restless until you become employed. You are not employed until what you earn take you to that point where you are not afraid when it comes to spending because you will always have enough for every good course. Jesus said you will always have the poor in your midst. Am glad He did say you will be the poor. Be financially free. How can you achieve that? There are so many things you can do without quitting your job. Its called, making additional streams of income. Find out as many are doing it. My philosophy on job and finance has always being simple- No real man live by salary alone but also by every good business opportunity that comes his way. This opportunities pass by us on a daily basis. The issue is, we never see them because we have our mind on the cvs we have posted to different companies for new jobs for which we never even get a simple call for interviews. Again, when your mates in that company want to insult you, they will tell you to seat down and write a test after your over five years working experience. When will we be free? Who says its better out there just because you head stories? Believe me, I know it is better in some places but those places are like one to every hundred thousand Nigerians . Is that what you want to wait for? Wake up bro. Stop complaining and start looking and asking questions. Before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him employment not just a job so be reminded before you lose the point.
The fourth point I want to make is simple. Should you run away when you see a lady who loves you but is made already? No, don't run away. No two story is the same. She may love you genuinely But, don't go in without a job or employment so be smart. You can get help from her and start some thing or if you have a job already (a job) you can combine what you earn and what she earns to begin a family business and get some one to manage it no matter how small while you both keep your jobs. Even if it is a simple frozen food shop. Don't become the house boy by just seating down and fold your hands all the time. Nature will frown at that.
Point number five will be to say, love is patient and kind but is not foolish or stupid. Love endures but does not punish. it is punishment to leave your role for her. Love forgives, does not keep a record of wrongs but don't abuse it. Just because that person forgives you always does not mean you should continue to tempt the person. Love is blind? No love can see and it will see when the chips are down. Love is beautiful but to say I love you and not live love is to misinterpret, misrepresent and misapply love.
In conclusion, to leave your role as the head of the house to your wife and to equally leave the financial role to her amounts to abuse and all you are doing is leading her into temptation. One day, she will get tired and she will fall. The bulk of the blame will be yours as the man. if you give the devil such a chance, he ill punish you just like he ill punish anybody. Remember that statement from john champion? So wake up!
I will let you take it from here.
Monday, 16 July 2012
THE MISTAKE PARENTS CALL TRAINING
The economy has become so bad that, for men who work, they are not sure of their income ever becoming enough for the home. This is because the children are expected to attend the best schools, this is usually a strong competition amongst neighbors and friends. People boast about their child or children attending the best school and without looking at their income, friends want to measure up. So many fake lives. Again,the family is expected to live in choice areas to d detriment of their bank account. Today, many want V.I, LEKKI, VGC, etc even when they know they can't afford it. The idea of also driving the best cars to measure up also ensures that both parent work to meet up. Fundamentally, both parents also work because most women of my generation cannot afford to seat tight and be tagged irrelevant. They want to be relevant. They want to be career women. Why not? Are women not president in some parts of the world?
To put it straight, all the above plus much more ( I say much more because there are so many other factors) militates against why one of the parents should stay home and keep and eye on the child or children. This has led to parents making mistakes with their children home training. Truthfully, the point I am about to make bother on a key issue but I will be brief.
In today's world, parents want to dictate everything to their children. They dictate to the point that they don't know where to draw the line. They tell the child what to wear and what not to wear. They choose the school the child will attend. In some cases, they even choose who becomes their friend or playmate. They micro manage their children to a point that, rather than building the child to grow up with an independent mind, the child grows up with a dependent mind. What is the difference?
The bible says, train up a child in the way he should go, when he grows up he will not depart from it. I believe so very much in that scripture. In truth ( parents hate to hear this one) what ever your child turn out to become is what you have directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously trained that child to become. Training is not just about what you have said, it is much more about what you did not say. Action speaks much louder than spoken words. So, some times, the result you get, is an offshoot of that which you did not do much more than that which you did.
Back to the point being made, when you dictate every thing for the child, the child ( except those ones rescued by special grace) grows up with a dependent mentality rather than an independent one. When this happens, and they find them selves in the midst of their peers, they have no say. They become what we call 'follow follow' their friends tell them what to do and they lack the very will power to say NO. Why? Because, just like they will not want to run out of favour with their parents, they will not want to lose their friends. Their parent have either weakened or deflated their will power or independent prowess by over dictating to them. Children in this category are those you see in today's Nigeria in the class of Aristo babes, cult or bad gang in the universities. In most cases, they never joined because they wanted to. They did it because they were lured into it by friends.
Many who become Aristo babe never set out to become one. In truth, when many of them entered the university, they started by joining the right school fellowship or muslim group. Gradually, as they begin to settle in the hostel and in classes,they see things and the story begins to change. Children whose parents have been too busy to train them. Children whose first sexual experience was with the house boy or house girl because the parents were not conscious become spoilt children without even their parents knowing. Right under the roof of their parent they smoke without their parents knowing. This children enter the university and become very wild even without their parents knowing. Before their parents, they are the best children but behind them, they are a moral terror to the world. This are the children they end up being friends with. This is because today's world has caged the parents so much so that they don't know what their children know. Most parents have not even thought of entering let alone enter where their children have entered.
In all this what am I saying? I am merely adding my voice to all that has been said about building the family. I am advocating for a neglected style of training which parents must adopt. I am saying, train up your child to develop an independent mind rather than a dependent one. Don't forget that ultimately, even as a parent, you are just a caretaker. The owner of that child is God. You can be taken away from that child at any time. Let the child start early ( parents must do this from the ages of not more than six because they would have started primary school at that stage) to learn. Begin with little things like what they wear. Ask the question, what do you want to wear? Go and bring it. When the child returns, you can ask, why do you want to wear this? Expect an answer. Request for one. If its a cold weather and the child want some thing light, request to know why rather than say you must put on a cardigan. Our body system is never the same. When you take the children for cloth shopping, ask them what they want and why they want that. The child may want it because that is what is in vogue or simply because its what the child wants. Demand an explanation. If its because its in vogue but indecent, that would be an opportunity to teach the child how to choose based on conviction and not based on what is in vogue. That which is in vogue may not be decent after all and without dictating, teach the child a simple moral lesson called decency and the beauty of it.
We can apply the above style to every aspect of their lives. When we do, they will gradually begin to grow with the inner power to choose. They will choose based on conviction and not the crowd mentality. This way, friends can never make them join cults, bad gangs of never do well people, Aristo clique etc because they can take their own decisions and decide for them selves.
When the bible says pray, it dint just say pray. It says, watch and pray. When you pray, you must pray about some thing. That is when prayer means prayer. I know some parent will say, abeg na only prayer fit do am. I refuse to agree. Prayer when knowledge is absent is deficient. Teach and guide the child. Don't refuse to teach and yet dictate for the child and then expect prayer to perform magic. What the bible says is show a child the way he should go. Teach and not dictate. The mistake is most parent don't teach, they dictate and wonder why the child turned out a sexually promiscuous girl or an armed robber. It is because the type of training you gave only produced the wrong result. Of course,it is bound to. It is bound to because you have to be every where with that child for the child not to fail but its not possible. Do your part and do it right. When you do, I promise you that as you follow up with prayers for that child, he or she would never depart from it. Remember my people perish only because of lack of knowledge.
I will let you take it from here.
Sunday, 15 July 2012
DO I HATE THE PRESIDENT?
I may not know how much it cost to win a party primaries.
I may not know the prize to pay to win an election
I may not know what it feels like to be taken to an unknown shrine to swear before a native doctor even when every sunday I seat as a church elder and all my church members know and revere me.
I may not know what it means to be the president
I may not know, but believe me, I know success when I see one. I know prospect when I see one. When I see a man who is heading some where, I know one when I see him. I have said it before now...Good luck Ebele Jonathan the current president of Nigeria for me has so many explanations to make to Nigerians. It is about time Nigerians start making this Man talk. Will things continue to remain the way they are? I tell you one truth, His government will only continue to remain this way while he himself and those in his cabar continue to loot this country in a bid to lead it to ruins. They will distract us with the type of stories in the media right now all in a bid to make us feel they are doing some thing but no they are not. How long shall we continue like this? Obasanjo did the same thing for eight years. Yaradua took over and was sick for most of his tenure. Jonathan completed that tenure with no land mark made. He went ahead with promises to win the last presidential election but since that election was won, what has he done? What notable action of his has impacted in the lives of the infants, teenagers,youths, young adults or older people what? What? What?
Has anyone cared to take a look at his government since he assumed office? Can any one still remember the promises he made when he was campaigning to become president? Is this Man leading Nigeria any where positive? Can no one see the signs? Are we going to remain like this? For how long? What has changed even by ten percent since the president assumed office. I will list some things kindly point at any;
1. Electricity supply
2. Good federal roads
3.Cost of fuel
4. Security
5. Transportation
6.Sports
7.Education
8.Employment
9.Welfare
10. Health etc
Can some one tell me which of this has shown any sign of taking off? I mean just a sign? Does any one care? Let me leave the rest to you.
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