Joseph,
I have a problem I will want you to advise me on. I have a problem in my marriage. I am from the west and my husband is from the east. I have not used my name here and its for a reason. My parent warned me about marrying my husband but I, refused to listen to them since the only reason they objected to the marriage was tribal and I am a very de tribalised person. My parents are not tribal but they had their objection on this one... I have been married for over four years now and before marriage, I mean while we were dating and courting, my husband gave me the impression that we were equal. He treated me like a queen and my opinion counted and mattered. However, five years down the line things have changed so fast and they continue that way every day. One of such areas bothers on equality amongst us. While we contribute together to keep the marriage going, in fact I contribute more financially and my contribution financially goes past his. I earn more than him and I bring over seventy percent financially to the marriage. I never rub this in his face and I have never intended to. However, my husband has changed a lot. He treats me like I don't matter and my opinion count for nothing. He reminds me every day that he is the man of the house. He is always quick to let me know that his decisions are final. My stomach rumble each time this happens but as a faithful wife, I swallow it. Joseph, my patience is running out. As his wife, I believe we are equal and based on this, I want my right respected. I feel like I am losing it. I brought this issue up the other day and it caused a lot of fracas. Kindly help me here because at this point, I feel I want out but for my two children. In fact, his attitude is driving me very far from him in terms of what I feel for him. What should I do? I want my right respected and my place honored because we should be equal. I await your response.
My Response
My sincere thanks to you for this email and I thank you also for allowing me share it. Let me begin by saying that your email left me asking many questions because it left a lot of void unfilled. It speaks your perspective alone and nothing of your husband. I will therefore respond to this only based on what you have written and on the assumption that it is all I need to know. Your mail did not tell me when and how your husband changed. It also did not tell me how both of you operated from the beginning of your marriage. Did you perceive you both as equal based on what obtained at the time? However, the point at which your husband changed, what happened? Did you in any way give him an impression which made him feel you abused the equality you both shared? Did you rub your over seventy percent contribution in his face? Did he request for some thing to be done financially and you objected? What did you do to make him change because his change in this case seems to me like a reaction. Well, these are questions begging for answers.
To the issue on equality, let me establish here that the institution of marriage says that the husband and wife have become one. This is the case with our church marriage but our traditional marriage is silent on this. By being one, they have become equals. Equal here does not mean fifty fifty but hundred percent for each. It means hundred percent in role and responsibility for the man and hundred percent in role and responsibility for
