The economy has become so bad that, for men who work, they are not sure of their income ever becoming enough for the home. This is because the children are expected to attend the best schools, this is usually a strong competition amongst neighbors and friends. People boast about their child or children attending the best school and without looking at their income, friends want to measure up. So many fake lives. Again,the family is expected to live in choice areas to d detriment of their bank account. Today, many want V.I, LEKKI, VGC, etc even when they know they can't afford it. The idea of also driving the best cars to measure up also ensures that both parent work to meet up. Fundamentally, both parents also work because most women of my generation cannot afford to seat tight and be tagged irrelevant. They want to be relevant. They want to be career women. Why not? Are women not president in some parts of the world?
To put it straight, all the above plus much more ( I say much more because there are so many other factors) militates against why one of the parents should stay home and keep and eye on the child or children. This has led to parents making mistakes with their children home training. Truthfully, the point I am about to make bother on a key issue but I will be brief.
In today's world, parents want to dictate everything to their children. They dictate to the point that they don't know where to draw the line. They tell the child what to wear and what not to wear. They choose the school the child will attend. In some cases, they even choose who becomes their friend or playmate. They micro manage their children to a point that, rather than building the child to grow up with an independent mind, the child grows up with a dependent mind. What is the difference?
The bible says, train up a child in the way he should go, when he grows up he will not depart from it. I believe so very much in that scripture. In truth ( parents hate to hear this one) what ever your child turn out to become is what you have directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously trained that child to become. Training is not just about what you have said, it is much more about what you did not say. Action speaks much louder than spoken words. So, some times, the result you get, is an offshoot of that which you did not do much more than that which you did.
Back to the point being made, when you dictate every thing for the child, the child ( except those ones rescued by special grace) grows up with a dependent mentality rather than an independent one. When this happens, and they find them selves in the midst of their peers, they have no say. They become what we call 'follow follow' their friends tell them what to do and they lack the very will power to say NO. Why? Because, just like they will not want to run out of favour with their parents, they will not want to lose their friends. Their parent have either weakened or deflated their will power or independent prowess by over dictating to them. Children in this category are those you see in today's Nigeria in the class of Aristo babes, cult or bad gang in the universities. In most cases, they never joined because they wanted to. They did it because they were lured into it by friends.
Many who become Aristo babe never set out to become one. In truth, when many of them entered the university, they started by joining the right school fellowship or muslim group. Gradually, as they begin to settle in the hostel and in classes,they see things and the story begins to change. Children whose parents have been too busy to train them. Children whose first sexual experience was with the house boy or house girl because the parents were not conscious become spoilt children without even their parents knowing. Right under the roof of their parent they smoke without their parents knowing. This children enter the university and become very wild even without their parents knowing. Before their parents, they are the best children but behind them, they are a moral terror to the world. This are the children they end up being friends with. This is because today's world has caged the parents so much so that they don't know what their children know. Most parents have not even thought of entering let alone enter where their children have entered.
In all this what am I saying? I am merely adding my voice to all that has been said about building the family. I am advocating for a neglected style of training which parents must adopt. I am saying, train up your child to develop an independent mind rather than a dependent one. Don't forget that ultimately, even as a parent, you are just a caretaker. The owner of that child is God. You can be taken away from that child at any time. Let the child start early ( parents must do this from the ages of not more than six because they would have started primary school at that stage) to learn. Begin with little things like what they wear. Ask the question, what do you want to wear? Go and bring it. When the child returns, you can ask, why do you want to wear this? Expect an answer. Request for one. If its a cold weather and the child want some thing light, request to know why rather than say you must put on a cardigan. Our body system is never the same. When you take the children for cloth shopping, ask them what they want and why they want that. The child may want it because that is what is in vogue or simply because its what the child wants. Demand an explanation. If its because its in vogue but indecent, that would be an opportunity to teach the child how to choose based on conviction and not based on what is in vogue. That which is in vogue may not be decent after all and without dictating, teach the child a simple moral lesson called decency and the beauty of it.
We can apply the above style to every aspect of their lives. When we do, they will gradually begin to grow with the inner power to choose. They will choose based on conviction and not the crowd mentality. This way, friends can never make them join cults, bad gangs of never do well people, Aristo clique etc because they can take their own decisions and decide for them selves.
When the bible says pray, it dint just say pray. It says, watch and pray. When you pray, you must pray about some thing. That is when prayer means prayer. I know some parent will say, abeg na only prayer fit do am. I refuse to agree. Prayer when knowledge is absent is deficient. Teach and guide the child. Don't refuse to teach and yet dictate for the child and then expect prayer to perform magic. What the bible says is show a child the way he should go. Teach and not dictate. The mistake is most parent don't teach, they dictate and wonder why the child turned out a sexually promiscuous girl or an armed robber. It is because the type of training you gave only produced the wrong result. Of course,it is bound to. It is bound to because you have to be every where with that child for the child not to fail but its not possible. Do your part and do it right. When you do, I promise you that as you follow up with prayers for that child, he or she would never depart from it. Remember my people perish only because of lack of knowledge.
I will let you take it from here.
No comments:
Post a Comment