love is never to be blamed on the one whose heart was broken because love is blind. I agree but is love blind? Again I ask, is Love truly blind? Or may be I should ask the question in a different way, Should love be blind? Or what to we mean when we say Love is blind?
When we say love is blind, we simply say it closes his eyes (am making love a human being now) to those things, actions, factors it ordinarily would not have accepted or tolerated. When people use it to refer to them marrying a short man when they wanted a tall one, may be I don't have an issue with that as the physical height does not define the man. May be it refers to me not having an issue with when some one let's go of some thing physical like looks, heights, dress sense, eating style, cooking style etc just to fall in love with some one whose standard is below theirs. If this is what love is blind about, may be I can say with you, may it remain blind. However, if your idea of love is blind means neglecting those factors that form the very LIFE of that relationship and marriage, if it affects the very LIFE of that relationship , then may be I have a problem with it. When love is blind to what gives it life, then that love is already dead. By life here I refer to those things or factors which make it functional, active and alive without which the whole idea of being in love can only remain an imagination in the mind of the one who claims to love. Love may be blind, but it must see when it comes to what makes it what it truly is. This things we call the LIFE of being in love. The very essence of its existence is that life. Life says you live. If you live then you can move and act. It does not involve lying down lifeless like a dead person. if you are not lifeless then we say you are alive. It therefore means that if you can't move, we say you are paralyzed or dead. What am I saying? What I am saying is that some relationships and marriages are right now very paralyzed or dead even though the couple may be living together. The relationship or marriage is a living dead. Some couple at this time feel nothing for each other. Though they are married, the truth is they are living single. We have so many young couples in this category. Sadly we do.
Love is not just about the word but about what gives it life! That which gives it life is what sustains it. God created the institution called marriage and for that reasons, only from Him can man draw the life to sustain it. He, God has not made this look like some kind of rocket science, but He has made it available for our use. It means that no matter how much you pray, no matter how much you claim to know, if you are not using that which he has provided, you merely waste your time. Many know how to pray and even pray in tongues but lack the very knowledge He has made available. He has said my people perish for lack of knowledge. Many quote the bible but they don't know it. Many do quiet time but lack that quiet spirit that is needed to listen to God. Many think prayer is a time to give God orders no, its also a time to report to duty like a faithful soldier in the battle field waiting for the instruction of his commanding officer. That is why I love what Jesus said. He dint just say pray. He said watch and pray. God is not asking us to pray for the grace on what to do when we are in a relationship for to pray that way will amount to praying wrong. What we should pray for is the grace to do that which He has asked us to do in any relationship or marriage. To do them is to keep life in your marriage or relationship and to neglect them is to lead it to death. Going to heaven is much more about what you did than it is about what you did not do. You may not be committing adultery but if your neighbour beg you for bread and you have to give, yet deny him only to tell him, go I will be praying for you, then you are a candidate for hell just like the man who commits adultery. What am I saying? Hear me, for your marriage and relationship to have life, know that it is much more about what you do than what you dint do. That is what will show that you are in love and that you love the person you claim to love. What does it mean to be in love with some one? It is simple, its not just about wanting the good sides of the person you claim to love, Its also about being ready and willing to accept and deal with their bad side. Did I say bad side? I thought she was born again? I thought he is a worker in church? Hear me, he is human and still on earth and not in heaven yet. Even christians fall. God is not calling to marriage people who want to be fake and pretend about what they feel, He is looking for those who are willing to be real. Again I ask, what do you mean when you say I love her and I am in love with her vice versa. What is expected of me?
To be in love with some one is to accept the total package. What I mean by the total package is to say I accept the whole of you just the way you are. I accept you with your good, bad and indeed very ugly side. It means I am willing to take you just that way. I am not taking you because I am hoping you will change, or because I am hoping I can change you, but because I love you just the way you are. Understanding says, I accept you just the way you are. This understanding is what brings meaning into that home or relationship. That understanding is the hall mark of any one who is truly in love. To be in love is a lot of responsibility. Like I said, it is more about what is done much more than that which is not done.
To be in love is to do certain things. They have been written. All you need is to know and live in them. To be in love can be the sweetest experience you can ever have but when you get it wrong, it can be the ugliest experience of your life. It is better to live single than to be in the wrong marriage. To know love, to be in love is to know this. Hear me;
1. Love is patient and kind
How really ready are you to show this? How can you claim you are in love with some one yet, you are not patient with the person or show enough kindness to demonstrate that you are patient with the person. In today's marriages and relationship, people glorify impatience much more than patience. You hear expressions like I don't have time for that. I don't have the patience. They pretend to be kind when in actual fact they are only being selfish and self centered . Many in relationship claim love yet, they are not patient or kind to the one they love. If your love is blind it will fails to see this now, remember, you can't guarantee tomorrow. Tomorrow that love will find healing and see again. If you find your partner as not being patient with you or kind to you, deal with it now or simply accept that person just the way he or she is. There is no Life in your marriage if you are not patient with your partner or kind to him or her. Which ever way you look at it, if you have gotten to that point where every thing she does or he does irritates you, then you have to bring life back into that aspect of your relationship. There is no life in your relationship or marriage if you are not patient and kind. Some times one of the couple expects patience from one but that same couple is not ready to give it. The same thing with showing kindness. There is no life here if this is missing.
2. Love is not jealous, conceited or proud.
I can not even begin to imagine how two people who claim to be in love can begin to exhibit this traits yet, it is what you see in many relationship and marriages. Jealousy Has eaten deep into so many relationships and marriages. Some couple have forgotten they are still married or in a relationship as they see themselves as two people in a competition. Some men are eaten up by pride and so are some women. This is either because of their current job status or new financial level. When pride speaks, your tommy rolls. Pride stinks. Pride irritates. Pride goes before a fall. Pride can make you keep walking and not see the dish before you because all your focus is up. You will fall into it without knowing. Quote me, at the very root of every divorce case in the world today is the presence of Mr and Mrs pride. Irreconcilable differences. What does that even mean? Two people who are too proud, too full of themselves to say ok, I will hear you out or I will listen to you. Their pride has been hurt. They can not but be proud yet they pray in tongues. I am in love with you 'no be for mouth' I love you is not about food joints and holidays at the Bahamas. Its about killing this. Kill pride. Stop being conceited. Pride should be erased from your nature. This is where action speaks. When this things are present in your relationship, then there is no life there. you need life. To be in love is to say, I am not jealous, conceited or proud. You can not always do things your own way because the world does not revolve around you. Its not about you alone if it was it would not be an interesting world. Why show humility to your friends but not the one you love. Who is the one there when your pain begins? Who is the one who cries with you? Your friends at the beer parlor or saloon? You are a joker! Wake up and bring back life into your relationship or marriage. Even if your partner fails, make your mind up to remain at the level of A-plus. Is it easy? No one said it is. There is no life where pride and conceited nature holds sway. Jealousy is a relationship killer. To bring life into your relationship is to kill those three.
3.Love is not ill- mannered or selfish or irritable.
Have you seen two people in love? When you look into their eyes you will see love. I refer to the period of courtship here. The period when they were both like babies in love. They hold hands, they tolerate themselves. They are not irritated with them selves at all and selfishness is not seen because many are ready to share what ever they have. That is what being in love means. You can not be ill-mannered, selfish to some one and be irritated only to say, I love you. I am in love with you but am easily irritated by you. Even the very things that should make me laugh irritate me. I am not willing to share at all. The question to ask is, then what are you in love with? The life in that relationship says you cannot be ill-mannered, selfish or easily irritated. People easily change when they get married. Again I say it is because they were merely pretending. How can you be ill-mannered, selfish or easily irritated by some one you claim to love? There is no life in that relationship or marriage if this happens. Kill them before they kill you.
4. Love does not keep a record of wrongs.
The best relationship or marriage is not one without issues or problems but one with issues surmounted by two hearts in love. When individuals are courting, forgiveness is easy. However, when they become papa and mama benjamin it takes another lane. What you hear is usually talks like, I have been warning you and you don't want to listen. You did it two months ago I kept quiet. You did the same thing one month ago and no one head my voice but today, you must leave my house. When issues like this arise, it is always necessary to ask, are you still in love? Why don't people think about their love before they utter words. Forgiveness is key to being in love. You cannot claim to be in love with some one you cannot forgive. Simply put, you are not in love if you cannot forgive. Couples must necessarily get on each others way. But why will you find it difficult to forgive some one you claim to love? May be she cheated! Am not justifying it but have you ever cheated? Just think! If no, love says to you, help her or help him. In truth, remove forgiveness and I dare say there is no marriage. To be in love is to forgive. There is no life in a marriage or relationship without forgiveness. Forgiveness is key.
5. Love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth.
You cannot do evil or plot evil against some one you love and claim to be in love. Many miss it during courtship by keeping quiet when evil is done to them in the name of love is blind. Some men even laugh rather than correct it at that time and this creates the impression that things will always remain that way. The truth is they will not. if you truly are in love with that person, point out those faults now so that both of you can walk past it together. If you are married, its never too late. It is evil to notice a fault in your partner and keep quiet. That is not love. Love is not happy with evil. To lie to the one you love is to put life out of your marriage. What happens if your partner discovers your lies? That life called trust will vanish through the window and it will take a longer journey to bring it back even if it returns at all. There is no life in a relationship or marriage guided by evil and lies. To be like this and claim to be in love is to lie and deceive one self.
6. Love never gives up because its faith,hope and patience never fail.
This is the hallmark of being in love. If you missed all have said don't miss this one. What this is saying is simple, if you claim to be in love with me, you can never give up on me. Why? Because your faith in me can never die. Your hope in me can never die. Your patience for my limitations and human weaknesses will never run out. This is the point where I remind those I counsel and now those of you reading this, that to be in love and proceed to marry you must realize that marriage is not a one hundred meter dash but a marathon. To be in love with me is to have faith in me and keep your hope in me alive. Love, never, ever gives up. To say irreconcilable differences is to lie. I call that love for convenience. I call it Greed and being self centered. If a man or woman claim to love you yet give up on you, sorry dear, he or she was never really in love with you. May be he or she was merely attracted to you. May be he or she merely loved your body. There is no life in our relationship if you can give up on me, lose faith in me, lose hope in me and finally condemn me without being patient with my humanness. You were never in love with me. The truth be told, If you cannot handle me or show patience with me at my low point in life, then you truly do not deserve me at my best. That is a wise saying.
To be in love in not about what is convenient. It is different from attraction. It is of three parts. Its about the word ( refer to my introduction on this topic), its about what gives it life ( that I have pointed out here), watch out for the concluding aspect where I will show us the effect. Being in love is sweet if it has the word, the life and the effect. As I write, I deal with the ideals. By that I refer to what ought to be. But as humans, we can never be perfect. Like we say, you don't need to be perfect in order to be active. Just stay active and you will be on your way to perfection. When a child fails an exam, there is always room for him or her to re seat that exam. To give up is to kill a dream. In love, you never give up. I will let you take it from here.
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