WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

How many times do we see this happen? I hate to begin what ever I write with a question, but for those (like me) who play PS3, am sure you get to hear John Champion say that almost all the time when you make silly mistakes like balloon the ball over the bar. Also, you hear him say some thing like ' you don't give a player of his quality such a chance, he ill punish you, he ill punish any body' . Don't mind me as this is not PS3 but I remember those two statements as I write this.

I have seen this happen severally, so forgive me as I write on it because it is not some thing entirely new. This is the issue- the guy and the Lady loves themselves ( at least so they claim) and they both have agreed to get married. The girl has a comfortable job as a manager in one of the top banks in the country. (Name withheld) She is also from a home where at the tapping of her finger, based on who the parents are, things will begin to flow for her. We say, she was born with not just a silver spoon but with a diamond spoon. On the other hand, the guy is from the lowest class in society. Not only did his parents struggle to put him through school, he had extra doses of suffering as far as life is concerned. Because he was brilliant and intelligent he made a 2/1 in school. He was posted to that bank where he met his wife to be for his nysc year. They dated and after his service year, he was not retained. The guy could not get a job by himself as all applications sent appear not to be yielding any thing. The girls father and mother did not support the relationship because of the boys background which obviously did not match with the class of the lady so they were not interested in helping the guy. However, they would not stop them should they decide to marry. The lady tells the guy, let us get married. For all you know, a job can come later. The most important thing is that we love each other. The boy wants a job first but since he had none at that time, he dint want to lose the lady who by the way was ready to keep them going until he got a job, the guy agreed. They got married and one year into the marriage no job yet.

In one word, the story of love began to change as the love which once stood as the bases of the relationship began to give way to some negative vices. The lady would keep men out side as man friends, hang out with them, come back late. They had no house keeper so the guy was the house keeper. Nagging started as the lady complained of the guy not being productive except to seat at home and watch tv. The statement 'can't you do some thing useful with your life became the daily anthem' Some times, the guy would beg the lady for money to get some where and she would say, what do you need it for, seat at home. Those who don't have money don't go visiting. The  friends no longer visit him because the girl had embarrassed them several times just because they drank wine in the house which the guy did not buy with his money. Events like this kept on into the second year of the marriage. At this point, two much frustration had set in and the marriage was heading for the rocks. The lady made a statement to the guy when the guy reminded her, our marriage is two years and six months today, when are we going to start having babies. The response he got was shocking. The lady said, babies? Which real woman want to have a baby for a man who can not feed himself let alone take care of a baby? She added, no real woman respects a man just because he said, I love you. Love is not words, its action. Grow up jide. That statement broke the guy and shattered his emotion finally. For the very first time, he got a real wake up call. He was reminded, that for a home to stand, a man, must be the man. He was reminded (may be) that love is not enough.

Those who know their bible well will soon tell me that the lady is stupid. Again, they will tell me that love is enough but the truth is that the lady never really love the guy. I mean, how could she treat him that way and say that to him? It is wicked! It is cruel ! She is a devil! Would she have acted that way if the guy had money? So many questions but very few answers. May be I agree with you and may be I don't. While I do not want to make the lady the subject of my discussion here, even though she was crucial to him, my focus will be the man. Let me talk to the men here.

Truthfully, how many times do we see that happen? Guy, you messed up big time. In my opinion, if you had done just one month apprenticeship with a warri guy you would have been smart. How can you seat at home for two and half years? How could you have even sat home for six months? Don't you have a brain? You abuse God my guy. Any way that is by the way.

Let me remind the man that there is so much more to marriage than the mere profession of love. Marriage I have argued in different places is not a hundred meter dash but a life marathon. I have head and seen enough in peoples lives to tell you that the mere profession of 'I love you' does not win the race. Get that  simple message fully registered inside you. Sleep and wake up with it daily. I love you does not put food on the table or pay the bills.

Another point to make is this, note that Adam was given the role of the Man not eve. God did not make a mistake. He made Adam the head and not the neck. Do not sell your 'role right' because of the mere profession of love, it does not flow and nature will frown at it. Be the Man and act the man that is what will honor God and Man. To fail here is to fail in all.

The third point I want to make is this, note that before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him employment. Not the other way round. He dint just give him a job, He employed him. He put him in charge of the garden. That is giving him financial freedom. Take charge was the word.  To have a job is to have some thing doing which keeps you J-ust O-ver B-roke (job) but to be gain fully employed is to have taken your finance to a point where you can do as occasion demands. When I say do as accession demands, I mean that if your wife and children wake up and say, daddy, we need to go to the US for summer holiday and you look at your bank account, you can comfortably say to yourself, no shaking. It means like Adam, you have taken charge of your finance. Not when you look at your bank account and it is not telling you the truth. What are we saying? I am not saying you should wait until you gain employment before you marry. All I am saying is, even if you have a job, be restless until you become employed. You are not employed until what you earn take you to that point where you are not afraid when it comes to spending because you will always have enough for every good course. Jesus said you will always have the poor in your midst. Am glad He did say you will be the poor. Be financially free. How can you achieve that? There are so many things you can do without quitting your job. Its called, making additional streams of income. Find out as many are doing it. My philosophy on job and finance has always being simple- No real man live by salary alone but also by every good business opportunity that comes his way. This opportunities pass by us on a daily basis. The issue is, we never see them because we have our mind on the cvs we have posted to different companies for new jobs for which we never even get a simple call for interviews. Again, when your mates in that company want to insult you, they will tell you to seat down and write a test after your over five years working experience. When will we be free? Who says its better out there just because you head stories? Believe me, I know it is better in some places but those places are like one to every hundred thousand Nigerians . Is that what you want to wait for? Wake up bro. Stop complaining and start looking and asking questions. Before God gave Adam a wife, He gave him employment not just a job so be reminded before you lose the point.

The fourth point I want to make is simple.  Should you run away when you see a lady who loves you but is made already? No, don't run away. No two story is the same. She may love you genuinely But, don't go in without a job or employment so be smart. You can get help from her and start some thing or if you  have a job already (a job) you can combine what you earn and what she earns to begin a family business and get some one to manage it no matter how small while you both keep your jobs. Even if it is a simple frozen food shop. Don't become the house boy by just seating down and fold your hands all the time. Nature will frown at that.

Point number five will be to say, love is patient and kind but is not foolish or stupid. Love endures but does not punish. it is punishment to leave your role for her. Love forgives, does not keep a record of wrongs  but don't abuse it. Just because that person forgives you always does not mean you should continue to tempt the person. Love is blind? No love can see and it will see when the chips are down. Love is beautiful but to say I love you and not live love is to misinterpret, misrepresent and misapply love.

In conclusion, to leave your role as the head of the house to your wife and to equally leave the financial role to her amounts to abuse and all you are doing is leading her into temptation. One day, she will get tired and she will fall. The bulk of the blame will be yours as the man. if you give the devil such a chance, he ill punish you just like he ill punish anybody. Remember that statement from john champion? So wake up!

I will let you take it from here.

THE MISTAKE PARENTS CALL TRAINING

I live in a generation where parental role has become that of both parent being bread winners. This is usually not the norm. In some cases, its not because the Man cannot take care of his family alone with what he makes in a month, but because several notable factors have come to register their presence without any sign of wanting to depart in a hurry.

The economy has become so bad that, for men who work, they are not sure of their income ever becoming enough for the home. This is because the children are expected to attend the best schools, this is usually a strong competition amongst neighbors and friends. People boast about their child or children attending the best school and without looking at their income, friends want to measure up. So many fake lives. Again,the family is expected to live in choice areas to d detriment of their bank account. Today, many want V.I, LEKKI, VGC, etc even when they know they can't afford it. The idea of also driving the best cars to measure up also ensures that both parent work to meet up. Fundamentally, both parents also work because most women of my generation cannot afford to seat tight and be tagged irrelevant. They want to be relevant. They want to be career women. Why not? Are women not president in some parts of the world?

To put it straight, all the above plus much more ( I say much more because there are so many other factors) militates against why one of the parents should stay home and keep and eye on the child or children. This has led to parents making mistakes with their children home training. Truthfully, the point I am about to make bother on a key issue but I will be brief.

In today's world, parents want to dictate everything to their children. They dictate to the point that they don't know where to draw the line. They tell the child what to wear and what not to wear. They choose the school the child will attend. In some cases, they even choose who becomes their friend or playmate. They micro manage their children to a point that, rather than building the child to grow up with an independent mind, the child grows up with a dependent mind. What is the difference?

The bible says, train up a child in the way he should go, when he grows up he will not depart from it. I believe so very much in that scripture. In truth ( parents hate to hear this one) what ever your child turn out to become is what you have directly or indirectly, consciously or unconsciously trained that child to become. Training is not just about what you have said, it is much more about what you did not say. Action speaks much louder than spoken words. So, some times, the result you get, is an offshoot of that which you did not do much more than that which you did.

Back to the point being made, when you dictate every thing for the child, the child ( except those ones rescued by special grace) grows up with a dependent mentality rather than an independent one. When this happens, and they find them selves in the midst of their peers, they have no say. They become what we call 'follow follow' their friends tell them what to do and they lack the very will power to say NO. Why? Because, just like they will not want to run out of favour with their parents, they will not want to lose their friends. Their parent have either weakened or deflated their will power or independent prowess by over dictating to them. Children in this category are those you see in today's Nigeria in the class of Aristo babes, cult or bad gang  in the universities. In most cases, they never joined because they wanted to. They did it because they were lured into it by friends.

Many who become Aristo babe never set out to become one. In truth, when many of them entered the university, they started by joining the right school fellowship or muslim group. Gradually, as they begin to settle in the hostel and in classes,they see things and the story begins to change. Children whose parents have been too busy to train them.  Children whose first sexual experience was with the house boy or house girl because the parents were not conscious become spoilt children without even their parents knowing. Right under the roof of their parent they smoke without their parents knowing. This children enter the university and become very wild even without their parents knowing. Before their parents, they are the best children but behind them, they are a moral terror to the world. This are the children they end up being friends with. This is because today's world has caged the parents so much so that they don't know what their children know. Most parents have not even thought of entering let alone enter where their children have entered.

In all this what am I saying? I am merely adding my voice to all that has been said about building the family. I am advocating for a neglected style of training which parents must adopt. I am saying, train up your child to develop an independent mind rather than a dependent one. Don't forget that ultimately, even as a parent, you are just a caretaker. The owner of that child is God. You can be taken away from that child at any time. Let the child start early ( parents must do this from the ages of not more than six because they would have started primary school at that stage) to learn. Begin with little things like what they wear. Ask the question, what do you want to wear? Go and bring it. When the child returns, you can ask, why do you want to wear this? Expect an answer. Request for one. If its a cold weather and the child want some thing light, request to know why rather than say you must put on a cardigan. Our body system is never the same. When you take the children for cloth shopping, ask them what they want and why they want that. The child may want it because that is what is in vogue or simply because its what the child wants. Demand an explanation. If its because its in vogue but indecent, that would be an opportunity to teach the child how to choose based on conviction and not based on what is in vogue. That which is in vogue may not be decent after all and without dictating, teach the child a simple moral lesson called decency and the beauty of it.

We can apply the above style to every aspect of their lives. When we do, they will gradually begin to grow with the inner power to choose. They will choose based on conviction and not the crowd mentality. This way, friends can never make them join cults, bad gangs of never do well people, Aristo clique etc because they can take their own decisions and decide for them selves.

When the bible says pray, it dint just say pray. It says, watch and pray. When you pray, you must pray about some thing. That is when prayer means prayer. I know some parent will say, abeg na only prayer fit do am. I refuse to agree. Prayer when knowledge is absent is deficient. Teach and guide the child. Don't refuse to teach and yet dictate for the child and then expect prayer to perform magic. What the bible says is show a child the way he should go. Teach and not dictate. The mistake is most parent don't teach, they dictate and wonder why the child turned out a sexually promiscuous girl or an armed robber. It is because the type of training you gave only produced the wrong result. Of course,it is bound to. It is bound to because you have to be every where with that child for the child not to fail but its not possible. Do your part and do it right. When you do, I promise you that as you follow up with prayers for that child, he or she would never depart from it. Remember my people perish only because of lack of knowledge.

I will let you take it from here.  

DO I HATE THE PRESIDENT?

I may not know what it means to be a politician.

I may not know how much it cost to win a party primaries.

I may not know the prize to pay to win an election

I may not know what it feels like to be taken to an unknown shrine to swear before a native doctor even when every sunday I seat as a church elder and all my church members know and revere me.

I may not know what it means to be the president

I may not know, but believe me, I know success when I see one. I know prospect when I see one. When I see a man who is heading some where, I know one when I see him.  I have said it before now...Good luck Ebele Jonathan the current president of Nigeria for me has so many explanations to make to Nigerians. It is about time Nigerians start making this Man talk. Will things continue to remain the way they are? I tell you one truth, His government will only continue to remain this way while he himself  and those in his cabar continue to loot this country in a bid to lead it to ruins. They will distract us with the type of stories in the media right now all in a bid to make us feel they are doing some thing but  no they are not. How long shall we continue like this?  Obasanjo  did the same thing for eight years. Yaradua took over and was sick for most of his tenure. Jonathan completed that tenure with no land mark made. He went ahead with promises to win the last presidential election but since that election was won, what has he done? What notable action of his has impacted in the lives of the infants, teenagers,youths, young adults or older people what? What? What?
Has anyone cared to take a look at his government since he assumed office? Can any one still remember the promises he made when he was campaigning to become president? Is this Man leading Nigeria any where positive? Can no one see the signs? Are we going to remain like this? For how long? What has changed even by ten percent since the president assumed office. I will list some things kindly point at any;

1. Electricity supply

2. Good federal roads

3.Cost of fuel

4. Security

5. Transportation

6.Sports

7.Education

8.Employment

9.Welfare

10. Health etc

Can some one tell me which of this has shown any sign of taking off? I mean just a sign? Does any one care? Let me leave the rest to you.