Today a friend shared a story with me. He talked about a woman, whose husband does not fail to make money available for the upkeep of the house. But as good as he is in providing cash for what ever the house needs, he is never around to spend time with his wife or children. As far as the wife is concerned, she is married to her pillow. Some times he comes home, spend one night, the next day he picks the clothes he will need for another two weeks and he is gone again. She is married but living single. To her, the music of love is playing very loud, but she can't hear it. When people talk about the life they have together with their spouse, hers only exist in her imagination. How many people reading this now can relate with this?
Some one did argue, she said love will play you his song, but you will dance to the different part of that song based on how you feel it. In the end according to her, it is the way you lay your bed that you will lie on. She said that whichever way you want to look at it, every one deserves the spouse that they got. I asked why? Her answer was shocking, she said, have you ever head the statement love is blind? I said yes. She added, in that answer lies the making and the un making of love in the life of many. What do people mean when they use that statement? What ever they mean, they kill themselves she posited. She told me joseph, many claim to be in love or in a marriage but the truth is, they are not. Many are merely swimming in the ocean of self deception, self confusion, self depression and in the end, death by self. How? I asked.
Listen to her, we live in a generation where people deceive themselves into thinking that their happiness is dependent on their getting married just the way many believe that making money will guarantee their own happiness. Some even feel once they build a good house they will be happy. But you and I know that nothing made by the hand of Man guarantees happiness. Nothing external guarantees happiness. Happiness is from within. Joy is from within. That is why those who commit suicide are seen as cowards.
What is the message in this I asked and how does all this relate in any way to the story of the woman above?
Hear this, the truth about many of us women is that
we think we can play God or perhaps deceive ourselves into thinking so. Some of the things we experience in our marriages today, we saw the signs before we got married. But because we believed that love is blind, we marry hopping that he will change. Can you blame us? she asked. some times, where the river of love takes you is dependent on the tied. You have very little control over it. She said, some times, I think and feel that what we go through in our marriages today is only an harvest of the seed we may have sown in our days back if not how else do you explain it. Some of us treated our ex in a previous relationship badly. We made them feel we were the queen while they our servants. Those were the days when we felt our beauty ruled the world because we had over five men on the minimum chasing us at the same time. In the end, we married only the wrong one. Why? Greed and selfishness. Another factor is that after playing away our time thinking we were having fun, when the time came and we thought time was running out on us, the right men were not coming, joseph, you know what they say...when the desirable is not available, the available becomes desirable. A Man comes, claiming to love you, you court him for a while, you noticed he had the material things you needed or perhaps have most, you look at his personality in relation to his attitude, you have your suspicion but you close your eyes to it. Why? Love is blind.
Joseph, no woman married a man she did not know. If any one claim they did, they deceive themselves. The issue is that, they married a man they knew. Some claim he changed after marriage, but joseph that is a lie. It is one of two things. It is either they were not intelligent enough to see or listen and observe the man, or they were too in love to notice and even when they did, they brushed aside things they should have talked about. No woman married a man she did not know. The issue is that there is a man they were hoping that man will become, it is that man that they are not getting. There is the man that he really and truly is and there is a man that they were hoping he will become. In most cases, and I mean above ninety percent, what you get is the man that he truly is and not the man that you hope he will become. Its only in very few cases that you get a partner as a husband whose life mission is to do every thing to please you. Even in his mistake, he is pleasing you. Such men are there, but they are rare. So what do we do with this woman?
To the above woman, she should go back to the drawing board. She should first make peace with her self for the mistake she now calls a husband because that man is a mistake and not a husband. There is a difference between marrying a husband and marrying a mistake. She has married a mistake. She should accept that mistake and resolve to live with it. She should remain herself, remain firm, resolve to be happy ( she needs God here), her happiness must be taken away from the man, she must resolve to love the man the way he is without trouble, she must kill her ego, she should remain firm in her duties as the woman and wife of the house. When ever he returns home, never ask him where he has being but ask him I hope all is well. I trust you came back safely. Take his things to the room. Prepare his water let him bath. Give him his food. Wait on him at the table while he eats. Let him see in your eyes that with or without him, you are happy. Let him see in your eyes that sadness is not your morning tea or tears your lunch. Don't nag, don't complain but pray. Do this as a part of you and as your nature not as pretense. I tell you, even if he is the devil, one day, he will return home finally. But I tell you, you will need a Jesus Christ in your life to achieve this because no human being on her own, and all by herself, can treat a cheating husband this way. It has to be by grace. So the message is simple, there are no perfect men or women out there, before you marry, Look well. Let no man deceive you into thinking that she was revealed to you as a wife or a husband, even the bible says He that finds...if the word find has not lost his dictionary meaning, it means its up to you.
However in all this, do you agree with the above? I will let you take it from here.
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