Your Marriage Plan vs Parental rejection-My take, an opinion!

Love is a strong and very beautiful thing. When you see two hearts in love, you will love love. The truth about love some times is that you can never tell where it's leading you. Some times, it takes you to that person whom you thought in your wildest dream,you would never have married. This things happen. Most times,you have no choice because like many will argue, if the desireable is not available, the available becomes desirable. Funny right? But what can you do? Stay in your high heavens and reject love or come down from your high horse and embrace love. In most cases,this issue bother on class, personality, physical attribute, tribe or may be some times, extreme desire to seek materialism. Its one thing to say to your self ,he is not my type but I love him. Yet another thing for you to fight parental objections and rejection. It can be frustrating, tiring and tasking. I say so because when you have to take on your parent on rejection, it's one 'war' you don't want to fight.

There are several reasons why parents reject our choice of future partner, and they will always hide under that adage, what an adult see seating down, a child cannot see it even if he climbs the highest tree. They say this even when some times they are as blind as you. To add to that, they will remind you of that part of the bible they use as a weapon which says, children obey your parents so that thy days may be long. Indeed, the only commandment with a blessing. But the dilemma comes when you have to choose between obeying your parents and clinging to what makes you happy. It becomes a case of to be or not to be. so the question is asked, when your both parents or one of them reject your choice of a future partner, what will
you do? Or let me rephrase, what
should you do? 

The place of parental blessing in a marriage is very important and it plays a key role. The place of parental blessings is key even for you to become fruitful in a marriage. Yes, this is true in some cases. Its important for your parents or elders in the absence of your parents to bless your marriage. You and I can never over emphasize this. Whatever happens, or what ever you do, desire the blessings of your parents and get it. Even if you have to work for it or beg for it, just get it any how. Even when there seems to be no way, find a way. I say this because, that blessing and acceptance is key. Its key because they are your parents and heaven knows and recognized this even from the beginning of time.

That said, I know that some parents can hold on to their reason why they can't give that blessing like a dogma. Some times they even go ahead to say, over my dead body. They will tell you they will rather die than bless your marriage because of your choice of a partner . Their rejection, like you and I know,in most cases are based on very selfish reasons. Its either they are rejecting the union because the persons background does not comform with theirs, or because the person is from a cursed family, or the person is just not good enough or perhaps like we see in many Nollywood movies, they want you to get married to some one so that both family can share a connection which is mutually beneficial to both families in the area of politics or business. Most times as said above, this reasons are selfish. However, some times they have a very genuine reason. They see what you and I can't see. I remember taking a friend home while in the university, my mother welcomed her. She gave her food and took care of her. However, before I left, she called me aside and said, if that person is your girl friend, cut it off except of course you plan to get married to some one older than you, which I will not accept. Besides, her argument was that she was by far older than I was. I dint see that at all. I was in love so I told her my choice is my choice. After I left, I started probing only to find out that she was more than six years older than I was. But why dint I see that? I was in love. I don't have any issue with people getting married to those older than them, I just dint want it for me. As a person, it mattered to me. That did not and still does not mean that I will judge any one who does. It's their choice. Parents can some times see what we don't see, that's why I shared that. But however genuine their reasons may be, the choice of who you marry is your responsibility. So what will you do? Obey them or disobey them? Some have argued that one can go ahead and marry provided there is love among the two and added that when the parents get tired of rejecting them, they will call them and bless them. We have seen this happen. But we also know that in some other cases, it never happend till the parents died. And some times, the couple ended up separating due to unresolved issues which came up latter. I guess they just discovered that the profession of love alone is not just enough. Am not saying you should not go ahead and marry without the blessing of your parents when they object, that is not my point. What i am saying is that when you go ahead, ensure that you are not going ahead because of the reasons am about to point out below. Your intention and motive matters because even God can see it. So don't just go ahead;

1. Because you are stubborn. A stubborn being will naturally make mistakes. Don't let your desire to go in be because you are stubborn. Stubbornness wins you nothing. It can only lead you to so many mistakes. So when you decide to go against your parents and marry, make sure it's not due to stubbornness.

2. Because you think you know more than your parents. There is a yoruba adage which says, even if a child has good cloths more than the adult, he or she can't have rags more than them. Let me establish here that, even if your parents are illiterate, your university degree can never replace their age, years of experience and knowledge. You may have gone to the best university to get a degree, you must understand that there is a natural university which teaches you what the certificate given university may not teach you, it's called the university of life. they joined this university long before you were conceived and given birth to. In the university of life, a man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument. No matter how much you think you know, your parents are your parents. I will say it again, your degree can never replace their age. So don't let your motive for going ahead be because you think you know more than them.

3. Because you want to defy their order. Don't let this be your reason for disobeying them. Going ahead based on this is and will be a terrible mistake. There is no blessing in being disobedient to parents. If you must go ahead, do so but don't let it he because your intention is to disobey them out of anger.

4. Because you want to proof a point to them. What point can you possibly want to proof? That you are right and they wrong? In most cases, this proof takes you no where. I have never seen any where, where two wrongs ever made anything right. In most cases, children like the prodigal son end up crying back home to beg. Keep your point to yourself, there is always a better way. A way that only time will help you see. 

5.Because you think you are old enough to decide.   Don't let this be your reason for going against their wish. No matter how old you may be, you will always remain a child to your parents. And your parents will always have that heavenly right as your parents. Though you can go ahead, don't let this be your motive. No child can be older than his or her parents.

6. Because you think you have made enough money, so you don't need them. Your current financial situation does not necessarily guarantee your future happiness.People have been known to lose a job after marriage or a business crumble after marriage. So this can not be your reason for wanting to go ahead. Go ahead, but don't make this your motive. Even money, as good as it is, as much as it answereth all things, can't buy you happiness.

7. Because you think your parents are selfish in their reasons.. oh yes they may be. Selfish yes. But who made you a judge over them? Did even the bible give you the right to judge them? No. When parents reject in most cases, their reason is usually selfish. Don't let your judging them on it be your reason. Go ahead, but don't make that your reason or motive. 

8. Don't go ahead because you think you don't need them. Who says you don't need your parents? Their prayers on your behalf alone is worth much more than all the millions you may have in the bank. Parental blessing is important and in its absence, that of your elders. A child who denies his or her parents is only sowing a seed for an unhappy future. Life is not about today alone just as marriage is not a hundred meter dash, it's about the future , it's a marathon. Feelings may change, but blood I'd thicker. 

9. Because you think they are wrong and you right...Yes you may be right. in fact for sure you are right. They are wrong and you are right but the bible says honour them. This should not be your motive. Thinking they are wrong and you right should not be your motive.

10. Because you think their blessing is not necessary. Have you ever heard of things being important but not necessary? Or necessary but not important?  In this case, parental blessing is both important and necessary. I say this because heaven gave them that authority over you and there is nothing you can do about it. The blessings of your parent is very important and necessary. 

Haven said all the above, notice what I am not saying. I am not saying don't go ahead and marry the love of your life. I am In fact saying that if you are convinced about it, go ahead. But, let your motive be tight and right. Do not do it for any of the reasons listed above. If you do, your intention will be wrong. A wrong foundation, will always remain a wrong foundation.what then should you do? Break up with your partner especially when you know for a fact that this is the person? Should you break up because you want to please your parents?  We can go on and on. In truth, if you are convinced that your partner is the person, don't break up because of parental objection. Also, if you are ready to marry, go ahead. But before you do, ensure that you have done your bit. That is the entire point this piece is making. Do your part-Talk to them, beg them, buy them gifts, roll on the floor, beg like a baby etc. if all that fails from your end, get relatives to talk to them. There must be a family member they can listen to. But If that fails, get their spiritual leaders to talk to them. Now, if that fails. Pray and go ahead. Go ahead with one thing in mind and that is that you are going ahead because of your believe in yourself and your partner. Go ahead ng Because you are convinced. What this will do for you is position you to be right before God. And God who sees your heart and intention will work out everything for your good. Your getting married against your parents wish must not stop you from keeping intouch with them. It should not stop you from loving them. You must not hate them for it. The blessing of a parent in marriage is as important as the air we breath. Some times, they will fail to see your point, pity them, don't hate. I have come to realize that time has a way of healing wounds. Take care and remember to always take charge...

Joseph OGUNDARE

November 22, 2013.