DON'T GET MARRIED IF...

The institution of marriage clearly states that marriage is for better for worse. No matter how much you have that line turned around today, that line was made long before all of us currently living were born and I am sure that you don't need a genius to tell you why that line had to come in. It added for richer ,for poorer. In sickness and in health . until death do us part. O my God until death do us part? Its a vow many take on the Altar without studying. A wow they take without understanding. A vow they take on the altar of excitement rather than reasoning. I mean, its called love. I have read lines like when love hits you, you will lose control. They tell you its a chemistry you cannot explain. So, when it does hit you, nothing really matters . you are ready to deny your father ,mother,brother,sister, best friends etc when they oppose that love. Sometimes, some are even ready to abandon a lucrative career because of love. No wonder or little wonder they said and still say that Love is a beautiful thing . yes ,love is a beautiful thing but it can only become a beautiful thing if we know what Love really means. People say love is a feeling. Others say love is like a chemistry you cannot explain. When people are in love and you ask them to tell you why they think they are in love, everything they tell you can be placed on the altar of attraction and nothing more. Love is beyond feeling and love is beyond attraction. However, today's write up is not about describing love, its about pointing out a few things. These factors are critical ,so don't get married if....

1. You cannot forgive Seventy times seven times daily - Marriage is ultimately about two people from different homes coming together. Conflict and disagreement will be normal. In marriage ,there is nothing like irreconcilable differences except in cases where life is threatened. Marriage is not just about daily forgiveness, its about moment by moment forgiveness. If you are not ready to live such a life, don't follow that route.

2. You cannot forgive your partner when they cheat on you - Like I said ,marriage is about moment by moment forgiveness. One of the worse things that can happen in a marriage is your partner cheating on you. What can be worse than this? I am not saying you are allowed to cheat on your partner, pls don't get me wrong. I am also not encouraging you to cheat on your spouse. However, I will ask you to consider the vows you take very well. It did not say until Adultery do you part. It says until death do you part. What that means is that not even Adultery allows you the liberty to break your marriage. If you are not willing to forgive a cheating partner, don't get married. I pray you never experience these just the way I pray never to experience it . This is simply to let you know that marital vows are deeper than Adultery.

3. You are hoping that your partner will change - if a man or woman promises to change because of you, be careful. While I am not saying people cannot change , I am saying be careful. It is difficult for a human being to change his or her way of life because of another human being. Its not about today, its about tomorrows trials. People may pretend,but eventually their character will show up. Character must be tested. Accept people for who they are hoping to keep accepting them whether they change or not. Its up to you to decide from the beginning if you are willing to live with what you saw ( see) or not.

4. You are doing so just to get the respect of people - This will
fail you in no time. You want to be regarded as the wife of a very big boy. You want to be seen as the wife of the CEO, senator, minister etc. These is not a criteria for marriage and it can never guarantee you happiness .

5. You are doing so hoping you can be both married & live single at the same time - Some want to be married yet keep their sex partner outside their marriage. They claim to respect their spouse yet still go outside their marriage to do wonders. It does not work that way. Marriage is about you and your partner until death do you part. No more, no less.

6. You have uncleared doubts - Clear every doubt(s) before you marry. The idea is not to getting married first with the hope of clearing it when you do. The time to do so is now. Marriage is not a certificate that guarantees a happy life. It is better to stay single than to enter the wrong marriage.

7. You cannot be submissive - Women are told to be submissive. They were not asked to be partly submissive but totally submissive. That submissiveness includes even when they bring home the bigger income and their husband brings less. Even in that state, you must be submissive. Forget about what gender equality speaks about, the man and woman may look the same in a marriage, their roles are different. There exist only one head and that is the man. The role of the woman is companionship. However, let me point it out quickly that submission does not mean slavery. Submission does not mean you surrendering yourself to be murdered. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

8. You cannot love your wife the way Jesus loves us - when the bible said or say Women be submissive to your husband and men love your wife, women thought the bible must hate them so much. How can the bible tell them to submit and merely ask the man to love? But usually, I laugh when I get this submission. To submit and to love, which is a higher responsibility? Besides, the bible did not just say love your wife. It says love her as Christ loved the church and gave His life for her. It means, its not love as you love yourself. Its called sacrificial love. Its called giving your all to her. Its a love that should never fail.

9. You hate to share your space with someone else - People go into marriage still feeling like they want their space. Which space ? Respect my space they say!...need I remind you that the two have become one? The idea of My! My!! My!!! Is dead, lying in state has been done and burial has taken place. The day you marry, its no longer about you alone but the two of you in all things. No more, no less. Its called team work in togetherness for life. Does this sound like a rope around your neck?? Lol

10. You don't want your spouse to speak to you the way you don't Like - even if you are fifty and you marry a twenty year old Lady ,she is allowed to call you by your name. Anyone who is allowed to call you by your name is allowed to express themselves the way they feel ( I am not saying they should become rude) these expression sometimes may not go down well with you. So if you know, you cannot swallow different opinion from your spouse, don't walk that line.

I actually decided to write on these today because my eyes have seen enough and my ears heard enough. I think people are getting married for all the wrong reasons. In those days, parents did enough to prepare their children for marriage but in this days, parents are doing all they can to prepare their children only for their wedding. After the wedding and show off, there is a life together called marriage and Marriage is not a hundred meter dash, its a life Marathon. Do your best to prepare for it. Count the cost before you embark on that journey. The grace of God is not magic, it works with your will. Marriage is a beautiful thing, do your best to make it more beautiful.

Joseph OGUNDARE 

is a Professional relationship Counsellor & teacher. He is also a business Man, business strategist & public speaker. You can contact him on joeonfrc@gmail.com.