Hello Joseph, I do have an issue with taking decisions. I get influenced by others a lot which makes me question my ability to think and decide. Your write up on relationship with strong reference to the one on friendship which you published last challenged me a lot... While I want to thank you for writing this, can you help out on the issue of my inability to take decisions ? I need this because I know it will help me in the area of my relationship also because I am going through a lot.
MY RESPONSE
Train up the child in the way he should go and when he grows up he will not depart from it are words from the bible and I love that statement as it speaks Loud volume.
I have argued some where (check my article on the mistake parent call training in my archive) that what ever a child eventually turns out to become is what the parent have directly or indirectly trained that child to become. Let me establish here, that most of the training children pick up come more from what is not said and done than in what is said and done. Parenting and training are usually seen as the same thing by many but they are not. So what is the difference? While parenting is the act of taking care of the child ( understanding what the child wants and how to make it available), training is the act of showing the child the way to go. So most times while parents are carrying out the act of parenting, they neglect the act of training. How? They do this because some times they feel that as long as they are carrying out parenting, they have indirectly or directly taken care of training. That is why a parent may think that because he or she has made available every thing the child needs, he or she should not be blamed should the child turn out bad. Because of the neglect of this duty, parents usually leave so many empty spaces in the life of their child and in most cases any new thing which comes to the child is immediately adopted. This adoption could be a positive adoption or negative adoption depending on where it is taken from or coming from. So parents should know that it is up to them what the child becomes. Your millions as a parent can buy your child the goodies of life, note that it does not guarantee you the fact that it will make that child a good product. When I questioned that writer, I found out that her childhood had a bit of defect. The defect is that her parent made almost all her decisions for her. Even when she was in the university, she would call the mother or father before taking decisions. While this may have some advantages, its disadvantages is worse.
I like to say this, no one is
too young to be influenced and no one is too old. However, whether one gets easily influenced or not is dependent on whether one got trained to have an independent mind or a dependent one. Again this is the huge responsibility which also falls on parents. Many parents want to make decisions for their child or children as long as they live under them just because the bill is paid by them and in most cases, this decisions keep the child dependent on them without being able to develop in themselves that ability to decide for them selves in situations which life present . Why is that so? Because life will hand us situations but we will decide for ourselves how we go through them. That ability to decide is key.
The decisions of life are no easy decisions to make. Look at the situations which confront us on a daily basis awaiting our decisions. In some cases when this decisions becomes difficult to make many talk to others Like parents, friends,pastors or professional counselors. Some times when you speak to this people you get help. At other times you don't. Yet some don't feel the need to talk to any living soul so they commit suicide which for them is the easiest way out. No matter what you think about them, their own believe is that they have ended it all. No matter what you say, the truth is no dead man or woman lives to mourn his or her own death. But truthfully suicide is not the answer. To take your life is to chicken out and that is not the way champions of life go. The truth is almost every one has got issues which they are dealing with.
Our inability to decide can turn us against ourselves and also turn us against the world. It can make us see the world as our enemy while we ourselves are the enemies of ourselves. We must never forget that our decision not to decide is decision already made. let us not forget that when we refuse to decide, others will decide for us so it pays to decide for ourselves as we cannot tackle life issues and situations by being indecisive. Being indecisive can actually begin to make you follow the negative path of life unconsciously. It can make you begin to react to life situations in a negative way there by leading you in the wrong direction. An ordinarily good girl can because of indecisiveness become a bad girl. This happens when she feels she can no longer handle the issues of life and she decides that the best thing to do is to sleep with every man that comes her way like a possessed being. She is not sleeping with these men because of money. Money is not her primary motive but her desire to become bad because she has failed in her ability to handle a particular life situation in the right way.
In an attempt to run away from a particular life issue, the man can decide to face the beer parlor. I always asked why do people think the best way to solve life situation is to immerse themselves in alcohol? Some one once said, at least it gives you a temporary relive and that is one thing you crave for so badly when you face some situations which life brings your way. But the truth remains that after the soberness and hang over the many bottles of beer and spirits which you have consumed has not solved the problem instead it is waiting for you. Not to decide is dangerous.
Some choose to solve life issues by ignoring them. If you bury a human being alive he will die eventually. If you bury a life situation alive, it will only continue to stare you in the face. You cannot choose to ignore a life situation. You cannot allow your self to be consumed by it either. So the attitude to adopt is not that of ignoring it.
May be in your own case your parents did not teach you how to handle problems or face life situations and that for you becomes an excuse to fail in your ability to handle situations which confronts you. Let me establish here that though your parents may have failed to show you how, if you failed to learn how, then your case is worse than that of your parents. While we will say your parents made a mistake, we will say you failed. To fail and to make a mistake tell me which looks worse.
Here is my challenge this week, you will face life challenges which will call to the fore front your decision making ability. It may be marital issues, job or business related issue, friendship issues, health issues, etc. Before you give up, ensure that you look at yourselves and you are actually dead. A dead person lacks the ability to take decisions. In the absence of that, get up, look at yourself, shake off the dust, tell your self I will face this and in the end I will come out alive because I have a God who is alive. The limitation of your parents is not a license for your failure in life. Take that decision today and stand by it. In the end only measure it with this fact, make sure it glorifies God and Make sure it is for the good of mankind. After reflecting on what ever it may be and you are still confused, please pray.
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